What to do?

After 11 busy weeks of running full throttle with school, I’m now on a well deserved break from school before the next semester starts. My hard work paid off with two A’s and a B, so I’m pleased with my efforts this semester. I can’t believe how far I have come in regards to school… I only have 8 classes left and a total of 3 terms left (provided everything goes as planned). This will have me graduating in June 2014.

So far during my time off, I have been productive. I have completed some housework, I read a book, I completed some gardening, l ran a bunch of errands and watched a few movies… Nothing terribly exciting, but nice to have the free time to move around and do as I please. Now what do I do? (lol)

Other then the whole school thing, things are going well for me and us. Work, school, rinse & repeat.

I guess that is all I have for now.

~D~

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Patterns

As I had a conversation with my nephew today, I started thinking about patterns. Primarily patterns we make in our lives that our parents made and we as their children repeat ourselves.

Anyone who knows about my childhood, knows that my mother was sick and not able to care for me beyond the age of five. Fortunately for me, other people in my life stepped in to fill in for my mother’s lacking. My father was in the picture, but often times he was out working, so he was not around much. My mom’s mom, my grandmother Janet was one of the people that stepped up to help my dad out between my mom’s many hospitalizations. Additionally, as I grew older other people also where helpful during my growing up namely my Aunt Brenda. She took me over weekends and during some holidays.

Eventually, when I was around 12 years old my dad and mom divorced after many years of being separated. My dad had already started a new relationship and was living in a different state by the time the proceedings finally went through.

My dad and the lady who I called my step-mom, Gloria (but they where never married in the nearly 20 years they where together, until she died) lived all together with her children and myself roughly about six months when my dad decided to send me to live with my Aunt Brenda and Uncle Bob.

I lived with my aunt and uncle from the age of 12, in the 6th grade until I was 15 and in the 9th grade. During the time I lived with them, my father never paid child support or helped with my care financially. He did send cards, letters and gifts (when appropriate) and we did talk on the phone, but he essentially pawned me off on someone else because it was convenient for him. My step mom and I didn’t get along and when we lived together we constantly where bickering about something or another. I believe that because my dad wanted to have a “peaceful” home without the bother of his teenage daughter around, he sent me away.

Later on, when I was sent to go live back with my dad (because I was messing up in school and doing dumb shit) my dad had me for one school year (10th grade). Then over the summer between my sophomore and junior year he decided he wanted to have a “peaceful” home again and he sent me to live at a youth facility. This time he had to pay money towards my care, because the facility makes you pay according to a sliding scale based on your salary (but even then he didn’t pay much).

This backstory is helpful because the situation of my nephew and his father (my half brother) is similar to mine and my fathers. My brother was married to a woman and they had a child. Eventually the marriage didn’t work out for whatever reason (I don’t know the details) and the mother eventually moved to another state bringing the child with her. My brother, since the marriage broke up has not supported his son, does not visit and has had very little to do with his eldest child (he has 3 other kids from other women). His son, my nephew have been friends on facebook for some time, but we didn’t really talk much, this changed today.

My nephew confided in me that he really didn’t know his father and he was fine without knowing him. I talked to him, telling him my situation with my own father and how my dad didn’t set a great example as to what a father was supposed to be. I am the youngest of my dad’s four kids (my half brother and sister have the same mother and I have another half sister that has a different mother). Sadly, of his children I am probably the one who had my dad around the most, which isn’t saying much.

My brother seems to have repeated the same things with his own children, he doesn’t see them much and isn’t providing much support (financial or otherwise) to his children. His two oldest are with their mothers and the last two with his current wife have been adopted out to another family. It seems that the thing that these men know (or have picked up) is how to make children, then dip out on them. It’s just sad to me that these kids don’t know their father.

That said, I really don’t talk to my brother. He and I are barely acquainted, other then the fact that we share a father. Besides sharing a genetic tie we have very little in common and he really doesn’t know me. Additionally, we also live almost 2,000 miles apart from each other so that does not help either.

My dad is different story, as I have gotten older I have gotten closer to my father. I have found it ironic that we are closer now especially when I’m old enough not to need a father figure. Now my father lives alone and is almost 71 years old. He is not in the best of health and he has reached out to me, wants to live with me or near me because he does not like being alone. I find it strange that after all of these years of him not needing me, or wanting me around, now he wants to be closer to me. Honestly, I’m not even sure how I feel about it. With the help of a therapist, I was able to get over my anger and resentment that I carried against him and my step-mom for years. Now the only thing I really feel for him is pity and sadness at how things have gone. Mostly, he is still estranged from his other adult children and does not communicate with them much, if at all.

Thinking back about some areas of my childhood, I realize that in some areas he did the best he could, given his circumstances, lack of education and resources. I also realize that raising children isn’t easy and we don’t come with some kind of handbook, you just have to figure it out as time goes on.

All of this said, my nephew said something that struck a chord with me, I was telling him about my experiences he said that even if his father’s dad was not a great role model of what a dad should be, wouldn’t that make you want to be a better dad? I would like to hope that as an adult you see the mistakes that your own parents made and try not to do the same things, fall into the same patterns, etc.

For me, I believe I will try my hardest to not be like my parents where when I have kids. I don’t want my children to experience one tenth of what I went through. I want them to understand how loved and wanted they are/where. Being gay, I have to jump through extra hoops and I can’t just have and “oopsy” baby. I have to plan for children and do whatever it takes to have them when I’m ready to do so.

Here’s to breaking the pattern and the crappy cycles I was born with and to new beginnings.

~D~

I might need my goggles and flippers…

Our weekly grind runs nearly all week and starts to come to end on Saturday afternoons after I get out of class. (Yes, I’m the crazy one taking a class on a Saturday morning and it’s math. I think I was a little nuts when I signed up for this term!)

Anyways, we planned getting up early on Sunday morning for a bike ride, but my honey wasn’t feeling so hot, so we decided to skip it and stay in bed. We had a lazy morning, had a late breakfast and planned to chill out for the day.

Apparently the universe had other plans for us! Things started going south when my laptop wouldn’t start, I kept getting all of these errors about windows not being able to start. I worked on the computer for a better part of the afternoon, finally having to wipe the whole machine out and re-install the operating system from scratch.

Naturally, I also had a paper due on Sunday for my networking class, so I had to take over my honey’s computer so that I finish that while my computer was in the process of being fixed. Finally about 11:30 pm I was done with the paper and I submitted it (it was due by midnight).

I started my nightly routine and when finished I hopped into bed. I heard this weird dripping sound, which at first sounded like the downstairs kitchen sink which drips sometimes if you don’t close the handle fully (and I had just finished washing some dishes) so I didn’t think much of it. Then the intensity of the water got louder and I jumped out of the bed and ran down the stairs (mind you my honey is passed out cold through all of this) to check out the noise. Turns out there is water pouring on to my washing machine and dryer in my laundry room. I frantically grab my mop bucket and some pans to try to contain the water coming from the light fixture and the ceiling.

Image

I go upstairs and I wake up my wife and tell her what is going on,she looks at me sleepily and I’m not sure she understands what I’m saying. I tell her again, honey we have a leak downstairs and she jumps out of bed and springs into action! We start turning off all of the water in the bathrooms upstairs to both the sinks and toilets and eventually the water stopped flowing.

By the time we got the water contained it was nearly 1am! We had called the plumber service and scheduled them for the morning. The plumber came this morning, had to cut a couple of wholes in the ceiling and managed to flood the downstairs bathroom and re-flood the laundry room before he was able to snake out the clog that was causing the issue. Geesh!

My honey and I kept teasing each other if this water issue didn’t get contained soon we’d need to get out our swim gear to navaigate downstairs.

The plumbing issue has since been resolved, however our next issue is dealing with all of the damaged drywall in the laundry room and bathroom. Tomorrow we have another service coming to remove the soaked walls and re-install the drywall to avoid a mold issue, since we are talking about toliet water that was leaked. This is shaping up to be an really crazy week/weekend.

Well I guess that is all I have for now…

~D~

Awesome quote

“When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bounds: Your mind transcends limitations, your conscience expands in every direction and you find yourself in a new, great and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents come alive, and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be” – Patanjali

Things are a changing…

I came back on here to comment on a friend’s blog that I recently found, realizing that it has been ages since I have updated my own blog, so here I am…

Much has happened since I have been here last… One thing that has changed is my progress in school, which is a wonderful thing. I am finally down to my last 9 classes, which also means that by winter time next year this bachelors degree will be completed. This is thrilling news for me, since I have consistently been back in school since mid 2009.

Another change is that I left my job in January, so I can focus on school mostly, be a housewife and help my honey maintain her ridiculous schedule. Which brings me to another new thing, which is that my honey was promoted at work which has allowed for a larger income to come into our household and giving me the opportunity to not work for the first time in my entire adult life.

I have always worked, starting from my late teens and up until a couple years ago when I was unemployeed after moving and then being let go from a contracting gig that I had, which turned out to be a blessing since the job was a nightmare.

I have taken up a new hobby, cycling which has caused us to get newer bikes thanks to an awesome surprise from one of besties over the holiday season. We have done two charity rides, one was a 32 mile ride and the second was 40 miles. My wife also has been training for a big ride later this month, where she will do two 50 mile days (at least that is the plan) for a charity.

Something else that is fairly new is that we got another dog, her name is Mia! When we got her she was and 8 week old puppy, who was about 5 pounds! I have never done the whole puppy experience and now I can say that I have! She is now going on 6 months old and is about 20 pounds (only slightly bigger than our other dog). The two of them have a blast together and I really wanted our first dog Bella to have a pal, which has really worked out. Mia is on the left and Bella is on the right.

580611_10151308933606434_1694782340_n

We have a few irons on the fire financially, so I am hoping that those things work out for the best however that might go.

And then there is the prospect on the horizon for children, which is also something else I want to consider before I get too much older. Which like anything else requires time and likely a good deal of money. Obviously, like anything else there are some wheels that need to be in motion and some things that need to happen before this happens, so ultimately only time will tell the outcomes.

Well for now, that is all I can muster. I need to get back to my homework.

~D~

We survived!

Despite the fact that Issac was supposed to a big deal for my area, not much happened except a crap ton of rain and a lot of wind.

My neighborhood and surrounding areas seemed to be fine, however we had a scary moment briefly when we had some tornado warnings! The tornado warnings were for the couple of towns surrounding us, but I don’t think anything ever came of it, which is a good thing.

I hope it’s new path has minimal impacts on the gulf areas and people are smart enough to remember Katrina and get the hell out in time!

Issac – Evacuation plan

With all the talk about tropical storm Issac, I believe it’s best we all be prepared. Follow the instructions below:

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